Fluoride
by Frenchie-chan
Summary: Kyo overhears a very interesting conversation between Shigure and Ayame. Inspired by my recent trip to the dentist.


**Howdy!**

**Welcome to my first-ever Fruits Basket Fanfic! I've been on a bit of a Fruits Basket high lately, so I decided to write a fic about it! I recently finished the manga series, (which was wonderful, by the way!) and I was so bored last week what with school being out, I watched the entire anime! This fic is dedicated to my little sister, who is a Furuba fanatic. You see, she recently celebrated her birthday, and as I strolled happily to the mall to buy her a gift, I came upon an unpleasant realisation: I'm broke. Alas! Despite my blissful daydreams of being a successful author, I am but a poor fanfic writer! Ah, life can be unfair... So, to make up for lack of gift, I wrote her a Furuba fanfic instead! So, without further ado, here it is, "Fluoride", my first ever Fruits Basket fic! It's all for you, Sis! Happy Birthday!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Fluoride

Kyo sighed.

It was just another typical, boring day. A typical, boring day full of giggling cliques, Yuki, dull lectures, Yuki, leeks, Yuki, the 'Yankee' thug, and Yuki. In a nutshell, everything that loved to piss him off.

He slowly trudged towards home, or rather- _Shigure's_home. As soon as he graduated, he'd be shipped off to the main Sohma house. The day's events and his random thoughts swirled about him, mainly contemplating all things that pissed him off. Like Yuki, for instance. Kyo's brow furrowed.

Yuki.

"_Damn Rat!" _He muttered to nobody in particular. Oh, how he despised the ever-charismatic 'Prince Yuki' and his deviously irritating fan club. It was all _his_fault he was ostracized and treated like an outcast in the first place! Damn that Yuki! Damn him, and his idiot brother!

Ah, his idiot brother…

The only thing Kyo and Yuki had in common was their opinion of Ayame Sohma. He and Yuki both agreed that Ayame was a self-centered, overdramatic, tactless moron. Despite their semblance to each other, Ayame and Yuki were as different as Yuki and Kyo. No, both Yuki and Kyo were intolerant of Ayame's outrageous antics. His friendship with Shigure didn't make him much more likeable, either. Kyo had no earthly idea how Hatori managed to survive high school with those two buffoons.

To make matters worse, the silver-haired snake of the Zodiac had dropped in unexpectedly a week ago, along with his flamboyant attitude and over inflated ego. Ayame tended to show up unexpectedly, _Sometimes, I think just to annoy me! _Kyo thought angrily. He had brought numerous ostentatious outfits for Yuki and himself (mainly for Yuki, thank God.) and called him disgustingly cutesy nicknames like _"Kyon-kitchi"_

Kyo shuddered. Except for Ayame, nobody had called him that since he was three.

As he stepped over the threshold, Kyo noticed the house was uncharacteristically-quiet. What with Shigure and Ayame in the same household, he'd expect defaced portraits or remnants of lunch on the walls, at the very least. He frowned. Something was definitely up; his _animal instinct_ told him so.

"Yo! Anyone home?" He said loudly.

No Answer.

"Shigure- baka! Ayame-baka! Answer me!"

No Answer.

Kyo peeked in Shigure's study and his bedroom. Both empty. He searched in his and Tohru's and even Yuki's rooms. Nothing there. They couldn't have left…had they? They could abandon him, but surely not Tohru?

Kyo poked his head into the hallway. As he inhaled to call for the missing morons again, a sudden noise made him stop suddenly. Kyo froze, straining his ears. What was that noise…?

A voice…it was a voice! There was someone in the bathroom! Ha! He had found the idiots! Or, at least one of them, anyway.

"Oh, Aya…"

"Gure-san, you really are incredible…"

Oh yes, that was them alright. There was no mistaking Ayame's distinct voice. Kyo grinned cheekily at his cleverness for a second, but then his grin slipped away. "_What the hell are they doing in the bathroom…?"_

"You really are a natural…"

Please, Aya! I've had loads of practice."

Ayame groaned softly. "Mmm…What flavor is yours Gure-san?"

"Wintergreen, I think. Pass the paste."

Kyo's eyes widened. _What the hell were they doing?_He had always known those two were pervy and insane, but it sounded almost like they were…

"Ohh…Oh, how do you wrap your tongue around it like that? I've never seen anyone do it like that before!

"Years of practice…Oh! Harder, Aya, harder!"

"I rather believe we should have done this before now, Gure-san!

"…Ew, look at all the residue…"

Shigure moaned loudly.

"Oh, Aya…"

The color drained out of Kyo's face. Even his hair seemed to wilt slightly. Hell, no… There was no way... He pressed his ear harder against the door.

You're such an animal, Gure-san!"

Kyo had heard enough. He didn't think he could tolerate this sick brigade any longer. He had always known these two were obscenely outlandish, but this…this was outrageous beyond human comprehension! He kicked the door separating Shigure and Ayame from himself, sending it flying spectacularly off its hinges.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO-"

Kyo froze. What little bit of color left in his flesh drained immediately. His legs felt as if someone had replaced them with jelly and his jaw dropped as he took in the sight before him.

Shigure and Ayame were flossing their teeth.

For a moment or two, nobody moved of spoke. Even the air seemed to be standing absolutely still, waiting for someone to make the first move. Kyo gaped stupidly at Shigure and Ayame; and they stared right back at Kyo. There was at least four feet of floss swinging from Ayame's teeth, and the lower half of Shigure's face was covered in a thick, foamy substance. Finally, Ayame broke the silence.

"My dearest Kyon-kitchi, to whom do I owe this great pleasure? Ah, hast been so long since our last meeting! Here we've been, almost nine hours without your presence! _Quel Plaisir!" _Ayame bowed extravagantly, twirling his hands about. He beamed luridly at Kyo, a long string of floss still dangling from his teeth.

Shigure's eyes flicked deftly between Kyo, Ayame, and the smashed door, which lay splintered on the tile floor. He sighed, making bits of foam spew from his mouth.

"I see you're still intent on destroying my house,"

Kyo felt as if someone had filled his lungs with ice. He didn't know whether to be relieved of furious. As his pulse started to increase and his breathing became irregular, he vented his emotions the only way he knew how: shouting.

_"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!"_ He screamed, not knowing what else to say.

"Flossing," Ayame said simply.

"But, but…" Kyo mumbled. "I-I thought…I thought you were…" Kyo trailed off, too embarrassed to say any more.

"You thought we were what?" Shigure pried eagerly.

"N-nothing…" Kyo's face was exactly the same hue as a radish. He was momentarily thankful Yuki wasn't here to see this. He scratched the back of his neck nervously. "B-but, uh…but _why_?"

Ayame laughed heartily. He winked slyly at Kyo and smirked. "My dear Kyon-kitchi, fluoride is essential to proper dental health and the art of maintaining dazzling pearly-whites!"

Kyo cringed. Maybe he hated these two just a little bit more than Yuki.

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**Thanks for reading! This fic was inspired by my recent trip to the dentist. Oh, how I dread those long appointments with the tooth-torturers and their sharp, pointy tools... -shudder- Okay, you lurkers, I know you're out there! I don't care if your review is in Punjabi, as long as you leave one, I'm thrilled! Flames welcomed!**

**God Bless,**

**Frenchie-chan**


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